I had a discussion today with a friend that reminded about some important lessons. When 2 people get married they bring so much of their personality, their culture, their parents personality, their school history, home language into the relationship, somehow hoping that all of this will meld together into something that creates a sense of home and belonging for them.
But the joining of 2 people together in matrimony, should be a well thought out initiative taking into account those differences but also looking forward to crafting rules and ways of living, interacting and connecting that are unique to just this couple. Therefore we cannot bring our former ways of doing into our current life as this brings unnecessary strain, anger and resentment.
This brings an interesting paradox into family, where the 2 joined together that come from 2 different tribes and languages, since language is such a big part of our identity as people. It raises questions of whose language will be used to communicate, what language will the children speak, what do the in-laws thing about the choices, why must there be choice instead of compromise…in joining 2 people a lot of complexity is unleashed and some marriages do not survive the turmoil brought about by this different in 2 people
Has language been a issue in your marriage, was it overcome, I would be interested to hear your thoughts…