Strongly Modelling Kindness to your kids

As parents we have an obligation to teach our kids to be better citizens.  This needs us to model the right behaviour. 3 ways you can model kindness so your kids learn to be kind instinctively?

Modelling kindess to your kids. As parents, we need us to model the right behaviors for our kids. How do you model kindness so your kids learn to be kind instinctively?

Kindness and my children

Recently in writing about what worried me the most in relation to motherhood, these were the words I wrote: “I don’t worry about my children being poor, I worry about the world being kind to them, I worry that they must not carry the burden of the judgement of others through their lives, I worry that they will be safe and sound and that they will have an opportunity to follow their passion and have a fulfilling life.” Kindness does not seem to be a naturally occurring response anymore.

Even now, these words are still true, even though the world we live in, is often-times far more cruel than it is kind, and even young children somehow have learned the power that comes with cruelty.  With all of this in mind, I still believe that we, as their parents, can influence our children to actively choose kindness.

Modelling kindess to your kids. As parents, we need us to model the right behaviors for our kids. How do you model kindness so your kids learn to be kind instinctively?

Just to set the scene, we have two wonderful, fun, gorgeous, intelligent boys. TheHeir is 9 years old, and his brother TheSpare, will turn two years old in a month’s time.  My kids have their own challenges, one has ADHD and struggles with impulsive behaviour; our younger son has a congenital facial paralysis, which impacts one side of his face.  It is hard enough to be a child, with all the expectations that the world heaps on you, but to be a child with a difference, now that, takes the difficulty to the next level.

With all that being said, I believe that you need to bring into the world what you want to receive. So, I strive to teach kindness to my children, but also to model in my own behaviour what kindness looks like. Here are a few ways I would like to share with you:


  • We try to always be kind to our children, and to those we live with. We as the parents must display and model kindness in our own thinking, words and actions, so that children know what kindness LOOKS and FEELS like.
  • We talk a lot about kindness in our family, we remind ourselves after every interaction, by asking the question “Do you think that was a kind thing to do?”, “Do you think your friend felt you were being kind?”
  • We surround ourselves with those who are conscious about doing acts of kindness, in the way they speak and act. “Rude and unkind people?” Do not get invited again to our household – I see no reason to have that around my children.
  • We watch what we tolerate in our children’s behaviour, even towards each other. We do not tolerate sibling rivalry in our home. TheSpare is still at the stage where his pushes and shoves to get his point across, as he is still developing his speech, even though he is still young this is not tolerated and is actively discouraged.


  • TheHeir, struggles to make friends because he is so impulsive, but over time he has made a few good friends.  This has taught him and us, how important it is to display kindness to the child that has no one to play with at school.   When we chat about his day, and how he experienced the other kids in his class. Sometimes I ask the following questions to get the conversation going: “Who did you play with today, my boy?”, “What did you enjoy the most?”, “Was there someone who didn’t have anyone to play with today?”, “Why do you think they had no friends?”, “Do you think you can play with him a little bit tomorrow, so just he doesn’t feel lonely?”.  These questions allow us to get the conversation going and for him to consider how other feel in certain situations. It also guides him to figure out for himself that he can do something about the situation.


  • We live in a country with a high unemployment rate. For many children this means they get new clothes once a year if at all, and sometimes even go to bed hungry.  For TheHeir, we always remind him that giving to others is a blessing. Every 6 months we go through his room and pack away good quality clothes, toys, books, etc. that he gives to someone who needs it. We as adults also do the same. We want him to understand that there are others who NEED these things and that for them it is not just a WANT.   It has been a joy to see that as he gets older, he is taking the initiative to give to those in need.

These are just a few suggestions that we have tried; hopefully, these will inspire you to find practical ways of modelling kindness to your children.  We have personally seen the results especially with TheHeir; TheSpare on the other hand, is a work in progress, so we will continue to be kind to him until he turns three. Until then, we will continue demonstrating it through our actions.

I would love to hear your thoughts on how to teach kindness to kids? Please leave a comment.

“This piece was originally posted on StrongTots as part of the Kinder by the Child project,”  visit StrongTots to read more personal accounts of instilling kindness into our children.

3 ways to teach our children kindness. As parents, we need us to model the right behaviors for our kids. How do you model kindness so your kids learn to be kind instinctively?The Blog Centre Showcase Tuesday

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  • Reply Showcase Tuesday 17 November 2015 | The Blog Centre

    […] That Make Her Happy – kindness; love; family and friends and a Well Heeled Woman talks about modelling kindness to your children – teaching them kindness and tolerance and not […]

    November 17, 2015 at 10:42 am
  • Reply Anna Palmer

    This is so very very important. Imagine a world where we all modeled kindness.
    Anna Palmer recently posted…Snow-Kissed…Managing anger in a fairy tale life.My Profile

    February 8, 2016 at 6:03 pm
  • Reply Christina

    Well said. I have a two year old and I watch her and her peers and they are born so innately sweet and kind. I want to preserve that nature as much as possible and you remind me that today! Thanks!

    February 17, 2016 at 3:46 am
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hello Christina thank you so much for visiting the blog yes as a mom i think we can try as much as possible to preserve their innvocence while preparing them for the bigger world. its a hard job though

      February 19, 2016 at 12:19 am
  • Reply Modern Zulu Mom

    Lindi, I love this. Such an important virtue to teach our children. It makes me sad that we cant “protect” them 24/7 but if we can teach kindness in our own homes, we’re making the world a better place. You’re a great, strong mom.

    February 17, 2016 at 12:40 pm
    • Reply lindiwem

      That is so true Thando i also just want to protect them from the world but that doesnt happen

      February 17, 2016 at 2:17 pm
  • Reply Rosemond

    Lindi, your family is so beautiful. What a blessing, I totally agree that we do have to actively decide to teach our children kindness and values at home.

    July 27, 2016 at 10:04 pm
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hi Rosie thank you so much for your comment. Yes it is up to us to teach our kids and show them. By the way I really enjoy reading your blog

      September 15, 2016 at 12:02 pm
  • Reply Cathy Lawdanski

    Wonderful suggestions on modeling and teaching kindness. I like how you ask TheHeir about children at school who may not have had someone to play with.
    Cathy Lawdanski recently posted…4 Fun Things To Do In KetchikanMy Profile

    July 29, 2016 at 3:54 am
    • Reply lindiwem

      Thank you Cathy for your kind comment, and i appreciate so much you leaving one, I really enjoy reading your blog

      September 15, 2016 at 11:48 am
  • Reply Sarah Eliza @devastateboredom

    Such a thoughtful post! Your opening paragraph made me tear up *sniff sniff*. Thank you for sharing your wise perspective with us!
    Sarah Eliza @devastateboredom recently posted…#FridayFrivolity – City Dogs Hate Camping! Funny Memes Plus LINKY Party!My Profile

    July 29, 2016 at 3:44 pm
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hello Sarah eliza oh thank you so much for your comment, there was alot of emotions in that post from me too

      September 15, 2016 at 11:47 am
  • Reply Silly Mummy

    Inspiring message. I completely agree with you – I want my children to be kind & I hope the world is kind to them.
    Silly Mummy recently posted…Friday Frolics – 29th July 2016My Profile

    July 29, 2016 at 4:43 pm
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hi Oh as mothers we all want our kids to be kind and loving. and we wish them love and kindness in return. Thank you for commenting all the best to your family

      September 15, 2016 at 11:45 am
  • Reply Debbie

    Hi Lindiwem, teaching kindness through kind acts is an invaluable lesson. Being kind doesn’t cost money, and ours for the giving. It sounds as if you are teaching your children just perfectly and I hope that they receive plenty of kindness in return.

    Debbie recently posted…Sunrise Over ZakynthosMy Profile

    July 31, 2016 at 8:21 pm
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hello Debbie, thank you for the lovely comment you are right, we should all teach our kids kindness. I am hoping for kindness for my kids too. I must tell you i love the warm colours and design of your blog

      September 15, 2016 at 11:44 am
    • Reply lindiwem

      Hi Debbie yes kindness is free and adds so much joy in the world. thank you so much for stopping by

      September 15, 2016 at 12:55 pm

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