LIFE LESSONS: WHAT HAS BEING THE MOM OF BOYS TAUGHT ME

Being a mom of boys, has been unchartered territory for me. I have learned a lot about myself and the world since TheHeir was born 10 years ago and I must say since the birth of THESPARE the learning curve has become even steeper.  Most of the things I am learning are profound and deep, but there is a vast majority which is just simply interesting, funny, cringe-worthy and sometimes scary things about how my boys do things.

Some of these lessons I would have preferred NOT to learn, but allegedly as a grown woman, you are supposed to go through these things – this is what many African moms have told me with a knowing smile – I guess because . I do not agree – trust me I was doing just fine before this.

These are the strangest and funniest lessons I have learned from being the mom of boys

1. My first lesson is, In my experience, childbirth is a horrifically painful experience, and no you don’t forget the pain, thank you very much. It is a pity that the boys will never actually know what I had to go through to bring them into the world. But as a loving mother, I will find ways to make sure they have at least a slight clue. This is my revenge.
2. I learned that if there was ever a point in my life when I will lose all dignity, it will not be when I am dead and I am being cut open by strangers. No, that moment has already happened twice, it was a child birth. There is no dignity, no privacy, no running away from the vulnerability of being in that position, or having strangers look at your privates with a very detached but focused eye. You can’t even cover your face and pretend to be elsewhere, it turns out the doctors and nurses actually expect you to be present and take part while your body is being plundered. This is the reason while I never go back to the same doctors who helped me give birth, really we have crossed a line in the relationship that I can’t deal with.
3. I learned that I love drugs, more than chocolate and more than my dream of one day owning a BMW convertible, which incidentally was shattered by having kids. Drugs helped me get through birth, through the first days of recovery, and through numerous headaches caused by my gorgeous sons.
4. I learned that yes I can, and I have turned to into THAT MOM. You know the one who talks about her kids all the time because they are amazing and clever and interesting. Yes, I have become her and it’s a slippery slope from that point cause you can’t get your life back after that, or even you can never take off those rose coloured glasses with which you view your children
5. I learned  that I can never own the sports car I have been working so hard towards attaining because I am now a MOM (sob, sob, and I am supposed to be responsible)
6. I learned that boys are a completely different species from girls. They do come from Mars. Growing up in a household of girls, having boys was a massive mind shift they have no boundaries and they have boundless energy.
7. On the issue of boundaries, I learned the hard way that until they are teenagers, you will never go to the toilet alone. This is very traumatic to me still
8. I learned that there will never be such a thing as enough groceries in the house. Somehow the offsprings will eat all the food in the house, and look at you as if you didn’t buy enough. I am not sure where they store it.
9. I have also learned to embrace being a “lazy Mom”, that it very exhausting to parent, and you should take every opportunity you can to rest, and rejuvenate because you are going to need it
10. I have learned that online shopping is a blessing I must embrace, no one can throw a tantrum at a shop like a little boy
11. I have learned to put away all my preconceived ideas, about what kind of a mom I will be. Also any notion of being a glamour mommy “poof” Gone, I do manual labour such cleaning up snot, because the TheSpare will not let anyone else clean it from him, if I am in the house, as I obviously am worthy of the honor, changing nappies, picking up clothes from the floors, and cleaning up spills
12. Back to the issue of boundaries, somehow boys always find a way to sleep on you. They climb on you, cuddle you even when you don’t want to be and eventually just wear you down. Like an invading army
13. I learned to let go of the belief that “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” and just go with “At Least I managed to catch them and bath them once today”. This is because, even though they might want to swim the whole day and night, but mention the word bath and somehow TheHeir remembers homework or runs away to play with his friends, or in the case, TheSpare – he just has a meltdown, and starts crying about how “Ake batle Tlapa” (I don’t want to Bath) – screaming at the top of his voice so the neighbors can come rescue him
14. I learned to let go of the phrase “My kids will never be babysat by the TV. Someday’s that TV is the only thing standing between me and insanity
15. I learned that all my worrying about how I was going to raise the boys was for nothing, little boys are like plants, enough food and sunshine seems to just grow them
16. I learned there is so much heartbreak in store for you as the mom for every fall and scrape and broken arm, oh and the sprain to the ankle they will get, at the hospital parking lot, when they decide to jump out of the car, instead of climbing down properly, while going to have X-rays taken on the arm you suspect they broke 10 minutes ago
17. I learned boys have a preference for a certain woman’s look, body build and voice from when they are very small … it is frightening and fascinating to watch
18. I learned that I can let loose and have fun and scream and shout and dance and skip and my boys will think that’s the coolest thing I have ever done, and then ask me about food… Did I mention anything about the amount of food they consume?
19. I learned that little boys love their mother completely, which translate to you being followed, cuddled at all randoms times, kissed and being told I love you mommy a hundred times a day. (Yes I have a hard life I know).

TemoMogale met a real live #piratelady at the launch of the @hamleys_south_africa Store in Eastage shopping.Definitely worth checking out it’s a toy extravaganza #toystore #hamleystoystore #fun

A photo posted by ZA Lifestyle & Mommy Blog (@a_well_heeled_woman) on Apr 7, 2016 at 10:09am PDT

Great time at Gold Reef City #familyfun #lbloggers #mommyblogger #joziblogger #awellheeledwoman

A photo posted by ZA Lifestyle & Mommy Blog (@a_well_heeled_woman) on Mar 28, 2016 at 5:27am PDT

I’m being managed by my boss, he told me to sleep. The he slept on top of me #justforcontrol every time I shifted he said No. #TheMelo #TheBoss ❤️😍

A photo posted by ZA Lifestyle & Mommy Blog (@a_well_heeled_woman) on Sep 22, 2015 at 10:19pm PDT

As times goes by I am sure I will learn even more from the boys, and I look forward to it with an equal mixture of morbid fascination and real deep fear.

Are you a mommy to little men, what has parenting boys taught you, what are the funny/ scary things you have observed?

Share with me in the comments below.